Thursday, March 7, 2013

Worst case scenario

Well, it's not the worst case scenario, really, because it still entails me being healthy and I can't imagine not having my family, but it is what gets me through tough times when I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I sometimes freak out over the thought I may not be able to find a job someday and that maybe I will not be able to finish my PhD. I basically worry a lot about someday not being able to make a living, because it does happen to plenty of people, and then I begin thinking about the alternatives. I could move to the country. My grandma's house will still be standing and will still be ours. There's also still plenty of land to farm, and I believe my education also means I will be looking for the best crops and the subsidies and support a farmer can get, apart from what I would need to eat, of course. And even if I wouldn't make a business out of it, I could still make a living, because my family network also means support, even if only to get me started. I would paint my own house and tend to my own garden, eat my own fruits and vegetables and have happy healthy animals around. I wouldn't need a closet full of clothes (not that I don't realize I don't really need it now either) and, hell, the internet is everywhere now. I'd sometimes go to the city for shopping, the movies and shows I want to see, I'd have my books delivered electronically to my device and I could even keep teaching. I'd teach English at the kinder garden, I could even tutor kids from the village for their national exams, I could consult for the local administration and maybe even start a few community projects. I'd work my ass off on days you can work and I'd spend my winters and rainy days next to the fire, reading and doing crafts. Yes, the scary thing is old age, but the way I see it, I may not even make it there. And if I do after a lifetime in the country, it's likely I'll still be able to provide for my basic needs. So whenever I think I'm getting fired or expelled and I'll have a nervous breakdown and fuck everything up, there'll always be the option of going back to the roots. And sometimes it sounds like a better case scenario.

No comments: