Detox

Yeah, it's morning and I'm detoxing. All the smoke and beer was really a bad boost for my low self-esteem. I wanna give up on it. I'm gonna start a one month trial. To get a better grip of myself and learn to deal with things when I'm sober.
It was extremely lovely yesterday. After the economic crisis seminar I took a walk in the park and smiled to myself because finally we had a sunny day in Budapest. The fine arts museum was pretty impressive, all that huge building and the way it was designed to welcome you in an overwhelming way. The El Greco exhibition was brought in from Prado, so I've seen the pieces before, but not in such a comprehensive way. I feel his paintings, especially the early ones, are so powerful. There is this dramatic background, especially the sky, that is grave and even grim. And the way he highlights eyes and hair has this mesmerizing thing. But I think one of his most impressive tools in creating this powerful art is the prolonged and sometimes slightly blurred faces and body shapes, which is fluid in a way, but I just feel it's kinda like being in a dream. Well, I also got to see the Egyptian exhibition, I love so much looking at all the tiny hieroglyphs and being absolutely oblivious. The permanent exhibition was pretty cool. I think Prado is not that much cooler than this. I'm starting to resent all the Middle Ages painting. But I still love the Spanish and the Brits. The French guys are getting boring, although I've seen some impressionist pieces. I've actually been in front of a Gauguin. I know it sounds silly, but for me it was an event. What I found most surprising is that the late German painters are amazingly playful in a very to the point way. I don't know if I can express it. And oh, I would have taken one specific painting home, I don't even recall the name or the painter. It was a huge, slightly impressionist piece of an alley in autumn. It was all color and warmth but also an expectation of a slight chill wind. I loved it so so much. I got tired after two hours of walking around circling rooms holding my head back and my eyes were just blurred after all that brush stroke they've been checking out. I gave up on the idea of coffee, I need excuses to go more often to the park. So I took a nap and it was so comforting to be in bed on a sunny afternoon.
Of course it's back cloudy again. I didn't like Instant that much. It's just some sort of Szimpla and the dancing place is horrifying. Beer is reasonable compared to other places and it's so so crowded. I don't think I'm gonna go around this kind of places anytime soon. I'm easily bored by the same environments when I know there's so much to see out there. And I'm definitely not the artsy underground kind of person. There is somewhere out there a place where I fit perfectly. Finding the perfect spot is a highly demanding quest. You have to go around a lot of shitty places till you find a second home. But when it's there, oh, the feeling you finally belong.